What Time Is "Primordial Gravitational Waves"?

Later today, science-type people are going to make an announcement that they promise is super-exciting and also possibly intelligible to the non-science community. The Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, the rumors have it, will be talking about evidence for “primordial gravitational waves.” Now is the time to bone up on your weird science, so that you can have an opinion about it, or what else is the point of living?

Here’s an explanation from a few years back:

So-called gravitational waves are a prediction of Albert Einstein’s theory of general relativity — moving objects perturb spacetime, generating waves like a boat moving across a lake….Such primordial waves might offer the best means for testing cosmological models such as inflation, which holds that the newborn universe ballooned from a tiny pocket to something roughly 1026 times larger in just a sliver of a second.

I THINK THAT MEANS WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE?????