Your Face Is Going To Get Eaten Off Sooner Or Later

What would you do if you were attacked by a pack of coyotes on your way to your job? I mostly work from home so it hasn’t really come up yet, but I imagine if I were in the position of this Colorado man for whom this scenario was in fact quite real, I would pretty much just make a big doody in my pants and then lie on the ground crying until they ate my face off. Anyway, we’ll find out the answer soon enough, because as the wildlife expert in the story says here, and I am paraphrasing, adult coyotes are instructing their children to attack human beings and it is only a matter of time before all the animals rise up to eat all of our faces off, and really (and at this point this is me editorializing, not the wildlife expert warning us about our imminent destruction at the claws and teeth of wild marauding animals), can you blame them? We kind of deserve to have our faces eaten off. I mean, I know I do. Anyway, trigger warnings for those of you who have survived coyote attacks or have issues surrounding face-eating are in full effect here.