The Only Diet Tip You'll Ever Need

“Forget abandoning carbohydrates or detoxing. The new dieting craze sweeping Britain and taking off in the United States lets people eat whatever they like — but only five days a week.”
 — People, please. I had plans to make a fortune on my one simple diet tip, but because I can’t stand to see you all grasping at these ridiculous gimmicks — and because I can’t figure how to pad it out to book length — I will share this amazing diet secret with the world: Before you are about to eat anything, ask yourself, “Am I going to enjoy this?” If the answer is “yes,” find something else. That’s it. You’re welcome.