New Race of Sexually Mature Children Not Really Having Much Sex

Because of hormone-injected factory chicken corpses, radiation, gamma rays, vaccines, TV violence, Angry Birds, gay marriage, the Internet, Batman, sexting, the abandonment of religion, suburbs, diabetes and “writing for free,” many children of 10 or 11 years old are gigantic sexually mature super-humans. These terrifying creatures try to sit at child-sized desks in elementary schools, but they’re already taller than the teachers and also have bigger boobs. What to make of this new race of sex monsters?

Not much, experts say. We should just back away and let them do what they want — and “what they want” appears to not really be a lot of sex-humping, according to a calming new study.

A new study published online on April 1 in Pediatrics reveals that only 0.6 percent of 10-year-olds, 1.1 percent of 11-year-olds and 2.4 percent of 12-year-olds have had sex. The rates have stayed similar for decades. Over the last 50 years, no more than 10 percent of girls have had sex by the age of 14.

The rate is 80% for altar boys, however. Anyway, this isn’t a problem anymore, so don’t worry about it. Also stop thinking about it, because that is gross.

Photo by nikshor via Shutterstock.com.