What Kind Of God Is The God Particle?

“The European Organization for Nuclear Research, or CERN, said that what they found last year was, indeed, a version of what is popularly referred to as the ‘God particle.’ Joe Incandela, who heads one of the two main teams at CERN that each involve several thousand scientists, said in a statement that ‘it is clear that we are dealing with a Higgs boson though we still have a long way to go to know what kind of Higgs boson it is.’”
 — Okay, good. Science now says, for SURE, that God exists. Just, in a slightly different form than we, or the new pope, might have expected. It (God) is a class of subatomic particles known as Higgs boson that give mass to the universe. Fascinating and very difficult to think about. (That part, I guess we would have expected God to be like.) No one knows, for example, what kind of God this particle is. Is it a nice, benevolent God, like the one who made the single-day ration of oil stay lit for a full eight days so Jewish children could open eight presents and not feel left out around Christmas time? Is it the cruel, wanton God who treated Job like Google is treating Google Reader users? Is it Thor or Loki from The Avengers

? Is he a she? Like Kali (yikes!) or Aphrodite (now, THAT’S what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!) Does he or she read letters? There are so many different kinds of Higgs boson we could be dealing with. It could be almost anything! Like, what if God was a giant cat? What if God was just a stranger on the bus, trying to make his way home? What if God was like George Burns, but a type of George Burns who gave everything in the universe mass when it passed through the thick haze of cigar smoke that surrounds him at all times? It’s a lot to think about.