Weird Millionaire Offers To Torture Married Couple In Space For 501 Days

If you’re married and old enough to have endured whatever horrors requiring “work on the marriage,” space tourist/rich person Dennis Tito has a great plan: He wants to send an adult married couple on a 501-day round-trip flight to Mars. This could be you, and also your spouse!

A tycoon announced plans Wednesday to send a middle-aged couple on a privately built spaceship to slingshot around the red planet and come back home, hopefully with their bodies and marriage in one piece after 501 days of no-escape togetherness in a cramped capsule half the size of an RV.

Young, inexperienced people have no idea what it’s like to spend that kind of time stuck with another person — within a few months, the newlyweds would be floating frantically all over the spaceship looking for the nonexistent “DIVORCE” button. (The “ABORT” button doesn’t do what most young people hope for, either.)

Older couples have basically lost the will to even try to kill each other, which is why they might be the safest bet for such a journey. It would also be good if the man had already lost most of his hearing ability, to avoid arguments.

The planned voyage would use currently available space technology and a two laptop computers so the two matrimonial astronauts can sit on opposite sides of the spaceship, looking at the Internet.