UFOs Priced Out of Brooklyn and San Francisco: Now Hovering Over Detroit

In the nights before the promised Mayan Apocalypse, mysterious configurations of bright lights hovered over Brooklyn and San Francisco’s Mission District. The first commenter here made the reasonable assumption that it was all some kind of viral marketing aimed at overpaid young urbanites.

But the product of such clever, vague and expensive advertising has yet to appear. And the silent, terrifying craft are now being seen over far less desirable urban areas including Detroit, Indianapolis and the Gulf Coast of Florida. What could it mean? Is Detroit poised for a comeback? And why are they also appearing in Poughkeepsie?

Explanations for the sightings are generally either clusters of drifting lights that might be Chinese-style paper lanterns or solid-appearing triangular craft with bright spotlights on the corners, either some type of earthly surveillance drone or military test. Might also be monsters from space or another dimension or our own future. Or viral advertising.

Or, perhaps most terrifying, the visions may be the unexplained byproduct of human consciousness itself — the raw material of religions and mythology, always seen within the cultural context of the era. Ezekiel saw burning wheels, medieval folk saw trolls and fairies, American men of the 1950s saw tall blonde alien women with breasts like Jane Russell, and the baffled people of today see delta-shaped stealth ships, or cheap imported paper lanterns, or Beyonce. So it all means nothing, or everything, and we are powerless to comprehend, forever.