Football Pick Haikus For Week 16

Saturday, December 22

Atlanta -3.5 At Detroit

Detroit really needs
a new city government
and a new head coach. PICK: FALCONS

Sunday, December 23

At Green Bay -12.5 Tennessee

I’d take the Titans
and the points if you gave me
seven billion points. PICK: PACKERS

At Carolina -8 Oakland

Newton will be worst
thing to happen in Oakland
since their Occupy. PICK: PANTHERS

At Miami -4.5 Buffalo

Yes, I still Bill-lieve.
Because C.J. Spiller can
keep this crap game close. PICK: BILLS

At Pittsburgh -3.5 Cincinnati

The Steelers will no
doubt somehow win this I just
haven’t figured how. PICK: STEELERS

New England -14.5 At Jacksonville

Fifteen points is
pretty good but the Pats love
to run up the score. PICK: PATS

Indianapolis -7 At Kansas City

Somewhere right now a
child is being born that will
be a sad Chiefs’ fan. PICK: COLTS

At Dallas -3 New Orleans

Keep throwing the ball
to Dez Bryant and Cowboys
will only lose by 6. PICK: SAINTS

Washington -6.5 At Philadelphia

They don’t need Griffin.
Redskins could win this game with
eleven punters. PICK: REDSKINS

At Tampa Bay -3 St. Louis

If Rams can rush the
Bucs’ quarterback they can hang
around in this one. PICK: RAMS

NY Giants -2.5 At Baltimore

Eli Manning will
awaken from his coma
against Crypt Keepers. PICK: GIANTS

At Houston -7.5 Minnesota

Texans just need to
stop Adrian Peterson.
Can you guys do that? PICK: TEXANS

At Denver -13 Cleveland

Take the points! The Browns
keep games close even if they
can’t win on the road. PICK: BROWNS

Chicago -5.5 At Arizona

Bears will win because
the Cardinals offense is worse
than scorpion poo. PICK: BEARS

San Francisco -1 At Seattle

No team comes to the
Emerald City and gets
out unrained upon. PICK: SEAHAWKS

At NY Jets -2.5 San Diego

Jets will probably
win then Sanchez probably
sleeps with your sister. PICK: JETS

Last week’s Haiku Picks went 8–8. We can make it up in the playoffs. That’s 104–116–5 for the season.

Jim Behrle tweets at @behrle for your possible amusement. Pick up the GQ with Bill Murray on the cover to never be able to erase the mental image of Behrle’s sex face from your mind.