Park Slope in Vicious Fight Over Slutty, Egg-Laying New Arrivals

“Community gardening is really just as much about the community as the gardening, and chickens can sometimes point out ways in which that’s the case,” says one chicken-lover in Park Slope, who helped build a chicken coop in a large community garden. So the war against chickens is raging in Brooklyn. With the Warren-St. Marks Community Garden housing eight chickens over the winter, neighbors are furious at the possibility of clucking and vermin, even despite the really useful fact that chickens can also point out which of three Bic lighters is the red one. Almost every time. (Also: eggs!) But angry neighbors have a point: does the neighborhood really need more chatty, agitated new arrivals, who will probably make themselves right at home by live-clucking a protest about something at the Food Co-op. Then, around “wine o’clock,” as anytime after 4 p.m. is known locally, they’re bound to start in on those Blue Moons so conspicuously visible in that video (like our friend the pig!) and then use the lighters to smoke pot through one of those skinny cardboard tubes that come on dry-cleaning hangers, and then do coke all night — though one of them might at first think the coke is very finely ground up egg shells. Then they’ll all masturbate excessively and one out of four of them will cheat on the their chicken husbands.