Football Pick Haikus For Week 6
Thursday, October 11
Pittsburgh -6 At Tennessee
Troy Polamalu
Is injured again. Titans avoid
an execution. PICK: TITANS.
Biden -3 v. Ryan
Joe’s always gaffe-prone
but Ryan tends to just make
shit completely up. PICK: BIDEN
Sunday, October 14
Cincinnati -1 At Cleveland
I grew up Democrat.
I have a soft spot for all
pathetic losers. PICK: BROWNS
At NY Jets -3.5 Indianapolis
The Colts won last week
for their hospitalized coach.
Jets lose just because. PICK: COLTS
At Tampa Bay -4 Kansas City
Kansas City cheered
When their quarterback got hurt.
Terrible karma. PICK: BUCS
At Atlanta -9 Oakland
Raiders’ quarterback
Tells the media the team should
Run the ball more! Yikes! PICK: FALCONS
At Baltimore -3.5 Dallas
Baltimore, at least
The Ravens are still awesome.
And crabs are yummy. PICK: RAVENS
At Philadelphia -4 Detroit
These teams both aren’t that
good but Philly fans’ anger
keeps them warm at night. PICK: EAGLES
At Miami -3.5 St. Louis
The Dolphins’ defense
gets potent penetration.
Yes, that’s what she said. PICK: RAMS
New England -3.5 At Seattle
Seattle Front Four
could get to Brady but he’ll
just hand the ball off. PICK: PATRIOTS
At Arizona -4.5 Buffalo
Cards will bounce back
The Bills will keep it close and
I will eat nachos. PICK: CARDS
At Washington -2 Minnesota
Carrie on “Homeland”
is a huge Redskins fan but
she’s super crazy. PICK: VIKINGS
At San Francisco -6.5 NY Giants
Playoff preview game.
Something tells me Alex Smith
will be sacked a lot. PICK: GIANTS
At Houston -3.5 Green Bay
Aaron Rogers should
Discount Doublecheck himself
and then play better. PICK: HOUSTON
Monday, October 15
At San Diego -1.5 Denver
Broncos play better
in the Mile High Air at home
but the Chargers stink. PICK: BRONCOS
Last week’s Haiku Picks went 7–7. That’s 35–41–1. Mary-help-of-Christians, Pray for us.
Jim Behrle tweets at @behrle for your possible amusement.