The Kickoff Of Football Pick Haikus
The Kickoff Of Football Pick Haikus
Wednesday, September 5
At NY Giants -4 Dallas
Giants will sleepwalk
through the season and turn it
on in the playoffs. PICK: GIANTS
Sunday, September 9
At Chicago -9.5 Indianapolis
Bears’ great defense
will contain Andrew Luck.
But offense can’t score. PICK: COLTS
Philadelphia -8 At Cleveland
Philly’s Dream Team Wakes
Up Screaming Again! Sleeping
on those bruised ribs sucks. PICK: BROWNS
At NY Jets -3 Buffalo
If you could combine
Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow
you’d have a gross mess. PICK: JETS
At New Orleans -9 Washington
Saints no longer pay
to injure players they play.
RG3 goes wild. PICK: REDSKINS
New England -6 At Tennessee
The Patriots can’t
lose unless the New York Giants
show up instead. PICK: PATS
At Minnesota -4 Jacksonville
The Jaguars team should
be as successful as Clint’s
weird RNC speech. PICK: JAGUARS
At Houston -11.5 Miami
Watched “Hard Knocks,” like, once.
HBO should have broadcast
test pattern instead. PICK: TEXANS
At Detroit -8 St. Louis
It’s a great year when
the Lions are still relevant
by Thanksgiving Day. PICK: LIONS
Atlanta -3 At Kansas City
I’m the first poet
yet to put the name “Jacquizz”
into a haiku. PICK: FALCONS
At Green Bay -5.5 San Francisco
Packers choked last year.
They were so busy making
cheesy TV ads. PICK: PACKERS
Carolina -2.5 At Tampa Bay
Cam Newton is the
Captain of my Fantasy Team!
And of My Heart! PICK: PANTHERS
Seattle -2.5 At Arizona
Seahawks’ new unis
are even worse than their old
terrible jerseys. PICK: SEAHAWKS
At Denver -1 Pittsburgh
Peyton Manning’s back.
Pittsburgh D happy to face
dude older than them. PICK: STEELERS
Monday, September 10
At Baltimore -6 Cincinnati
Flacco kinda sucks.
Ravens go as far as new
placekicker allows. PICK: RAVENS
San Diego -1 At Oakland
The Bolts don’t win games
until November most years.
Raiders should feast. PICK: CHARGERS
Last year’s Haiku Picks went 134–137–8 for the season against the spread.
Jim Behrle tweets at @behrle for your possible amusement.