The Social Phone

The rotary dial was a building block of civilization, the key that unlocked the phone system for millions of people. It was an integral part of your parents’ lives. Imagine your father stuffing his dirty fingers into the waiting greasy dialpits, over and over and over again, over and over and over and over again, ringing your mother’s bell until finally she shudders and reaches — for the phone and says: “Hello? This is [YOUR MOTHER’S NAME].” “Hey,” says your father, “this is [YOUR FATHER’S NAME].” “Well, how do you like that?” asks your mother even though she likes it very much. He asks her out to dinner. “Let me check my busy calendar,” she says. She goes so far as to coyly ruffle pages of the nearby phone book. “As it turns out,” she says, “I’ve had a cancellation.” Not much later your father drives by and picks her up and off they go. And usually they would have just had dinner, but this night — this night initiated by dialing on a rotary phone — they have a couple of nice chops and too much red wine, and, maybe it was the pretty moon, they find themselves engaging in penetrative sexual intercourse, your mother and father. Both of them.

— What’s as interesting as the Internet? Practically everything.