Simple Answers To Silly Scientist's Questions About Fairy Circles

Florida State biologist Walter R. Tschinkel has been studying the millions of 6-to-30-foot-diameter patches of barren earth in Namibia’s grasslands known as “fairy circles.” For some reason, Tschinkel is perplexed. He has some questions:

“Why are they regularly distributed, rather than random or clumped. Why do they appear with the grass dying suddenly; why is there taller grass at the perimeter; and why is there a difference in diameters? … The mystery of the fairy circles, or at least what causes them, remains a mystery.”

What is the “mystery?” There are obvious, well-known, answers to all these questions:

1) Fairy circles are regularly distributed rather than random or clumped because fairies are anal-retentive, obsessive-compulsive neat freaks. As reported on the Psychic Readings With Marie website, “Most house fairy (elves, pixies, brownies) are very fussy about the homes they live in.”

2) Fairy circles appear with the grass dying suddenly because fairies wear boots. Big, heavy, grass-stomping boots.

3) There is taller grass at the perimeter of fairy circles because fairies are shy and value their privacy.

4) There is a difference in the diameter of various fairy circles because some fairies are bigger than other fairies. Standard fairy size is six inches, but if fairies eat asparagus, they grow larger, and if they eat radishes, they shrink.

5) Fairy circles are caused by fairies.