Notes from My iPhone That Didn't Turn Into Stories This Week

Here are my iPhone notes from this week that never saw the light of day:

• “Your 20s are about crashing parties that you weren’t invited to; your 40s are about RSVPing to parties and then not showing up. This works out perfectly.”

• “Make sandwiches.”

• “Wallet chains are not back, and it is too fucking soon.” (Noted during Tuesday night’s Destroyer show at Le Poisson Rouge, which, may I point out with great rage, saw the band taking the stage at 11:45 p.m.? Jesus Christ!)

• “How does a Canadian songwriter recruit 7 band members and end up with 100% white men? You can’t throw a stone on Queen Street West without hitting three wildly different kinds of Southeast Asians, so WTF is this.” (Yup, also Destroyer.)

• “Box fan.”

• “Write a piece about How To Catsit: 1. Lower expectations with your host: ‘Wait, do you have any ashtrays for your bathrooms?’ 2. Litterboxes always have to be scooped more often than you or anyone thinks. 3. Surprise your hosts by cleaning something unexpected!”

What else did we miss? Totally don’t tell us in the comments, because, leave the office, now.