Very Recent Williamsburg History

One day, after my Sunday shopping excursion, walking south, I suddenly really had to pee. I raced home, dropped my groceries at my door, and ran to the bathroom to relieve myself. Two minutes, that was all it took. In two minutes I went to retrieve my groceries in the hall, and they were gone. Someone had stolen them. In fury I took out a sheet of paper and wrote in black marker, “Whoever just stole my groceries from my front door, that was my food for the week. Please return them. #5A”. I taped the sign next to my door and waited. Surely, some family member would notice the curious addition of smoked gouda or carb-conscious bread in their refrigerator and understand that a theft had occurred. I waited five minutes until my curiosity got the better of me. I opened the door and looked out. Someone had stolen the sign.

— 314 Bedford Avenue in review.