What We'd Do With $15.5 Million in Funding

With Buzzfeed announcing a fresh $15.5 million in funding today, on top of its previous $11.5 million in funding, all web properties should stop and ask themselves: what would you do with that cash? We already have it planned!

• office radio with AM and FM.

• tiny house collection in the middle of the office’s sculpture courtyard.

• a “sympathy big board,” displaying only least-viewed blog posts.

• Ben Smith’s younger, weirder cousin from Ditmas Park, Yaniv Smith.

• an actual awl.

• basement meth lab (because media companies just becoming tech companies is very 2011; 2012 is about dreaming bigger).

• a fearsome, extremely pretty, trilingual and totally useless secretary to be cruel and witty to visitors — preferably Jessica Joffe.

• multimedia vacation autoresponders!

• one each of the Romney brothers and the Huntsman sisters.

• a pancake machine.

• a team of twenty developers to work day and night to create an easy css hack that allows you to flow text between multiple divs in a CMS that also works in IE, because what the heck, how is this even still a thing?

• paywall, obvs.

• wet bar.

• raw bar.