Football Pick Haikus For Week 17

January 1

At Philadelphia -8.5 Washington
The bad dream’s over
in Philadelphia.
Fire Andy Reid!
PICK: EAGLES

At Atlanta -11.5 Tampa Bay
I wish they’d open
a Waffle House for us in
Brooklyn, NYC.
PICK: BUCCANEERS

San Francisco -10.5 At St. Louis
Rams will probably
fire Coach Spagnuolo and
the Giants will hire him.
PICK: RAMS

At Minnesota -1 Chicago
Can a team without
a running back beat a team
with no QB? No.
PICK: BEARS

Detroit -3.5 At Green Bay
Lions can send a
big message that they’re for real.
Pack lets ball boys play.
PICK: LIONS

At New Orleans -8 Carolina
In the battle twixt
Kitties and the Do-Gooders
Cam Newton scores big.
PICK: PANTHERS

Tennessee -3 At Houston
Texans say they won’t
bench their third string QB for
this game, FYI.
PICK: TITANS

At Jacksonville -3.5 Indianapolis
If the Colts win this
game they will rue it for a
sad generation.
PICK: JAGUARS

At Miami -2.5 NY Jets
The Jets are clearly
the greatest 8–7 team
in league history.
PICK: DOLPHINS

At New England -11 Buffalo
Patriots play hard
in first half then let Gisele
Brady play QB.
PICK: PATRIOTS

Baltimore -2.5 At Cincinnati
Bengals having to
beg their fans to show up to
games is just so sad.
PICK: BENGALS

Pittsburgh -7 At Cleveland
Even if Steelers
stayed at their hotel they’d beat
this fucking game’s spread.
PICK: STEELERS

At Oakland -3 San Diego
Bay Area fans
can turn the page and enjoy
Warrior losses.
PICK: CHARGERS

At Denver -3.5 Kansas City
Can Tim Tebow get
to the football promised land?
Well, yeah, most likely.
PICK: BRONCOS

At Arizona -3 Seattle
I enjoy Starbucks
and Nirvana and Pearl Jam
and Bridget Fonda.
PICK: SEAHAWKS

At NY Giants -3 Dallas
There’s no way that the
Giants can win this game but
poor Romo is jinxed.
PICK: GIANTS

Last week Haiku Picks Went 11–5. That makes it 117–121–6 for 2011. One week, one shot at .500! Playoff haikus? If you demand ‘em!

Jim Behrle tweets at @behrle for your possible amusement.