Tonight's Republican Debate: Five Things To Watch

“Chapelle’s Show” (Comedy Central): I’m not even sure which episodes they’re running, but remember how great this show was? It’s been a mere five years since it all ended, but it feels like a lifetime.

Goodfellas (AMC): This is one of those movies that you happen to come across when you’re channel-surfing where you automatically stick with it until the end. You might as well start from the beginning.

“Teresa” (Univision): While there are those who say that Angelique Boyer cannot hold a candle to Salma Hayek’s seminal 1989 turn in the part of Teresa Chavez, I think Boyer brings a quiet dignity to an incredibly challenging role.

Steel Magnolias (WE): I don’t want to spoil anything for you here, but Julia Roberts dies at the end, so if that kind of thing is going to get you upset you’re probably better off with Goodfellas. Also, did you know that Tom Skerritt is almost 80 years old? Tom Skerritt! The man is a goddamn national treasure, and I don’t think we’ve done anything near enough to let him know just how much we appreciate him.

Madea Goes To Jail (TBS): I don’t know, maybe your remote is broken and the only two things you can choose from are the Republican debate and Madea Goes To Jail? I would actually suggest you read a book or something, but let’s be honest, you’re gonna be watching TV, and what you’re gonna be watching is Madea going to jail. (I mean, presumably she goes to jail. I can’t claim personal knowledge of what is no doubt an intricate plot.) May God have mercy on your soul.