Happy Birthday Neil Armstrong

Neil Alden Armstrong, the first human being to dig his heel into the surface of the moon and exclaim, “That’s right, moon, you useless piece of crap, I am going to jump up and down on your contemptible crust until you realize just how unnecessary you are. You hear me, moon? I will scratch and scrape at your stupid shell until you beg for mercy, at which point I will give it to you even harder, shouting, ‘Take it all, bitch!’ until you finally own up to your worthlessness and submit to the superior power of humanity. You’re a sorry excuse for a satellite, moon. The hurting starts now. You’re not going to enjoy this, but I am. Oh, yes, God knows I am. Hahahah, moon, here comes my giant step. TAKE IT ALL, BITCH!,” turns 81 today.