And the Award for America's Most Dysfunctional City Goes To...

This is how you do it in the new South, which is the new Wild Wild West: “Miami police chief says he was offered $400,000 to leave the city.” Oh yeah! You can’t get the goods to fire the chief of police — Somehow? Despite “a botched anti-corruption probe, and videos showing officers beating partiers on Halloween” and a reality show pilot that was like a Steven Seagal movie but more racist — you just offer him something shy of half a million to slink away. Good stuff: “The battle between the police chief and the mayor began over a year ago, in April 2010, after a series of botched, high-profile public corruption arrests…. Later, in the summer, Miami police were involved in a string of shootings of black men.” La la la, everyone just keep doing whatever horrible thing you’re doing.