The Amazing Things You Can Do With Your Homemade Black Hole

“Having mastered control over space-time, a super-civilization might want to fabricate their own black holes for a variety of tasks: waste disposal, starship propulsion, hyper-computing, maybe even time travel.”
 — Discovery reports on the work of Clement Vidal

of the Evolution, Complexity and Cognition group at the Vrije Universiteit Brussel, who posits that advanced civilizations of super-aliens have likely figured out ways to “tap the energy resources of an entire galaxy” and engineer the conditions of the universe to their liking. Of course, there are other uses for a homemade black hole.

1) Eternal flashlight battery

2) Site-finding for giant bop-gun

3) Alignment for rear-attacking boogie catcher

4) Navigation of eternal maze of the mule

5) Vacant booty discovery and colonization

6) Mothership connection

7) Cloning Dr. Funkenstein

8) Diagnosis and treatment of Placebo Syndrome

9) Raising Funkativity levels

10) Trombipulation

11) Funkentelechy