Nutrition Roundup of Health

Nutrition Roundup of Health

I eat a lot of Questionable Things, with gravy on ’em and stuff, so I thought I maybe should find some ways to improve my diet, and to that end, I have been eating a lot of those “Energy Bar” CLIF® bar things lately, in order to be Healthy, you know? I mean, it’s like this, I thought instead of a greasy baconeggandcheese every morning from the place on the corner, I would instead enjoy CLIF® bar at my desk (along with two giant glasses of water, which is also Healthy, but mostly because otherwise a goddamn CLIF® bar will choke you out because they are so compacted with Energy or Nutrients or whatever), so I went to the “Price Club,” which is always on a road called “Price Club Drive” or else it is a numbered road, like “Route 582” and you are right, going to a “Price Club” sounds like a Bad Idea in terms of cultivating Sensible Eating habits, because, stereotypically, a lot of the customers at these “Price Club” places are Obese, and also you walk around and there are all these “free samples” stands all over the place with hair-net ladies in aprons working electric skillets and frying stuff and announcing what they are handing out, and hey, it’s Free Samples, so you start walking faster toward one with your oversized shopping cart and then you just get your nose open and you are a sightless animal wheeling around the aisles, reacting only to scent and sound of stuff frying, headed toward “Hello, try some Chicken Quesadilla” and “Hey Turkey Pot Roast,” which you think might be good for you almost, or at least way-less bad than regular cancer-meat pot roast since it’s made out of Turkey? But don’t fall for it.

Because I ate enough of the little goddamn paper shooter-cups of that crap they were handing out because when it’s not real busy they usually don’t care how many you eat, really, you can just stand there with the lady who is working the stand and knock ’em all back, she doesn’t care, as long as you have a little chat with her, but sometimes they are not so nice and they say like, go over to the display and buy some, and sometimes they even have it right at their stand, a bag of frozen whatever, maybe some kinda spicy honey-barbeque chicken wing, let’s say, and so what you can do is just go ahead and take the bag from her (and one more sample of fried ravioli) and then go down another aisle and put it in one of the freezer-things, it’s cool, they have people who go around all the time and rearrange the frozen food, nobody is getting hurt by this. But that Turkey Pot Roast, don’t get it, man, it’s like, all dark meat (and I bet a whole buncha the skin, that ocurred to me on like my third sample, for more of a meat-like fat flavor, yuck) and you know they gotta just salt the living shit out of it, seriously, I would never buy that stuff unless it was for a really good sale price, because you could thin it out or something, cut it with something, use it as a base for something not as bad maybe?

Man, I’m hungry.

But then, like, conversely, somehow, I have been to “Health Food” stores where you pay $3.99 for a teeny little tray of frozen organic Macaroni & Cheese that you would probably have to eat three of ’em to even feel a little bit happy, and I have noticed that the people in those stores with the “Natural Foods” and stuff tend not to be overweight. Unfortunately, I also think it would probably be kinda uncomfortable going to a “Natural Food” store if you are way overweight, though, like I think if you go to the gym and you are hefty, it makes sense you might be self conscious, you know, so you go to the “Price Club” where you blend in and nobody judges you. I mean, I don’t know because I don’t go to the gym, but not because I’m way overweight, I just think it costs too much to go to the gym, so I take walks, and I bought a chinup bar, but right now I’m not strong enough to do any chinups so I just hang from the bar, but I read about this study on students, and they would just hang from a bar for a few minutes every day, and they got strength from that. So far I can hang from the bar for 30 seconds, and pretty soon I’m gonna take my feet off the ground. It’s all part of a sensible plan, man, you gotta make sure you don’t over-train, otherwise you’re gonna get injured and then you’re back to Couch One, you now? Also probably that Macaroni & Cheese example might not have been the best item to be discussing in terms of Health Food, but anyway, these goddamn CLIF® bars cost too much at the regular supermarket. I mean, if I’m gonna buy something Healthy, I want it to be a Good Deal, you know? Does that make sense? I don’t want to get overcharged for some Healthy crap just because it is good for me, you know? Anyway, I have been thinking maybe I’ll just skip breakfast and have a cuppa coffee with a lot of half-and-half in it for protein because I probably shouldn’t be eating an “Energy Bar” with a picture of a guy rock-climbing on a rock or whatever (a cliff?) just to sit on ass at my desk, right? Really, especially since the other day I got a leg cramp from sitting at my desk, I’m not kidding, the whole back part of my leg was trying to curl up into a ball, so I had to get up from my desk and work at my computer hunched over, but look, my point about the CLIF® bar is at the “Price Club” they only sell ’em in multi-packs of 24 CLIFs and you only get three flavors, so it gets pretty boring only having the “Carrot Cake” flavor and the “Chocolate Chip Peanut Crunch” flavor and some other brown-colored flavor and I was wondering what a CLIF bar would taste like if I buttered it and fried it in a fry pan and put an egg on it.

Mr. Wrong can instruct you via many medias.