Murderous Pasta Dishes Just Waiting To Bump You Off

The Daily Beast scares you straight today, warning about the “30 Pastas That Kill.” The culprits include cabonara (a knife man), alfredo (usually a sniper but has been known to plant a car bomb or two) and gorgonzola, a sadistic fuck who will beat you with his fists for several hours before finally putting a bullet in the back of your skull and dissolving your body in a vat of lye. Thank God we’ve been warned.