Flying While Brown: Just Don't Do It

Dear brown friends,

So by now you know: if you make noises, move about the plane, feel ill, talk to people in a non-English language, gesture, wear a backpack, or, now, spend your time on the plane “passing notes and writing in a notebook,” you will not arrive at your destination, as the allegedly brown passengers on this week’s Delta flight from D.C. to Oregon found out.

Please make a note of these forbidden behaviors. It might be best if you just drug yourself into oblivion while flying? But don’t get too drugged: if you slur your words or “act strangely,” you will also find your plane diverted. (And then the smokers on-board will really hate you when they have to get off, go through security again and get on another plane.) Also don’t have to pee really bad. That’s a mandatory diversion. At this time, all people aboard airplanes should sit silently and immobile, and then we will all get there on time. But especially you, brown friends. Thanks!

Best regards,

White People