Everyone Out

Need I tell you to step outdoors? I think not! You know as well as anyone that it is in the mid-70’s right now, a temperature we are not likely to enjoy again this month. It is perhaps not the brightest of days, but who cares? MID-70’s. You need to go get yourselves some of that. But maybe you are at your place of work, and your employer has the strange notion that you need to remain at your desk? Inform your employer that it is vital for your mental health and physical well-being that you experience some of the rare goodness the weather is sending our way. Should he or she find this line of reasoning unpersuasive, tell him or her to suck it. (By “it” I mean “your penis.” Don’t have a penis? Take any reasonably-sized tube-shaped object and wave it near your crotch. If you’re feeling particularly creative you could perhaps stroke it in an up-and-down fashion to better emphasize your point.) He or she will surely be convinced. Even if that does not work, there is still a good chance you will find yourself outdoors fairly quickly anyway. It’s win-win!