41 Movie Remakes That Would Destroy What Remains Of My Youth, In Order Of Heartbreak

by John Ore

41. North Shore (1987)
40. Children of the Corn (1984)
39. Broadcast News (1987)
38. Once Bitten (1985)
37. The Dark Crystal (1982)
36. The Gods Must Be Crazy (1981)
35. Night Shift (1982)
34. One Crazy Summer (1986)
33. Youngblood (1986)
32. Near Dark (1987)*
31. Some Kind of Wonderful (1987)
30. Spies Like Us (1985)
29. Pretty in Pink (1986)
28. 1941 (1979)
27. Platoon (1986)
26. A Bridge Too Far (1977)
25. Midway (1976)
24. Midnight Run (1988)
23. Better Off Dead… (1985)
22. Sixteen Candles (1984)
21. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
20. Zulu (1964)
19. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)
18. The Meaning of Life (1983)
17. ¡Three Amigos! (1986)
16. The Great Escape (1963)
15. Raising Arizona (1987)
14. Meatballs (1979)
13. Weird Science (1985)
12. Blazing Saddles (1974)
11. Stir Crazy (1980)
10. Stand by Me (1986)
9. Stripes (1981)
8. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)
7. Silver Streak (1976)
6. Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
5. Real Genius (1985)*
4. The Jerk (1979)
3. The Breakfast Club (1985)
2. Gremlins (1984)
1. The Goonies (1985)

* Both rumored, horribly, to be in development.

John Ore can’t believe they’re remaking Logan’s Run, and certainly hopes he isn’t giving Hollywood any ideas with this list.