21 Blasters, Ranked In Order Of Apparent Usefulness
by L.V. Anderson
21. Batter Blaster, ready-to-cook pancake and waffle batter
20. 2003’s Blaster computer worm
19. Commie Blaster, a Communist-exposing website
18. Search Engine Blaster, an Internet marketing service
16. Star Wars Jango Fett Blaster, a toy weapon
15. Turbo Jam Fat Blaster, a fitness DVD
14. Creative Sound Blaster World of Warcraft Wireless Headset
13. Salad Blaster, a plastic food-storage container
12. Yamaha Blaster, an all-terrain vehicle
11. Transformers Action Master Blaster, an action figure
10. Tigi Rockaholic Rock Out Shine Blaster, hair serum
9. Ghettoblaster, a music and culture magazine
8. Completely Bare Bikini Bump Blaster, medicated pads for the prevention of ingrown hairs
7. Sleep Blaster, an alarm-clock iPhone application
6. Profoot Callus Blaster, a foot-smoothing gel
5. Burglar Blaster, an electronic pepper-spray system
4. Math Blaster, an educational children’s game
2. SpywareBlaster, security software
1. Bug Blaster, an insect-control hose nozzle
L.V. Anderson lives in Brooklyn.