Your Problems Solved

“My girlfriend wants to move to another country where there are more job opportunities but a much higher crime rate. I’m terrified of going, as I don’t think I’d ever fit in and feel safe walking the streets (which I love to do), but there’s no future where we live now, and I don’t think I’d ever make enough money to even move out of my parents’ house. What should I do?”
 — Awl pal Julie Klausner’s advice column is pretty much what you’d expect, which is to say hysterical.