Britons Scandalized By Royal Rubbers

“We set our craftsmen to create these heirloom quality love sheaths. In years to come they’ll be a memento of a magical day.”
 — Hugh Pomfret, spokesman for Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction — “the world’s leading supplier of heritage prophylactics” — defends his company’s Royal Wedding-themed condoms, which have been called “tasteless” and “hurtful.” Also worth noting: “the condoms carry a disclaimer advising would-be lovers they are designed as a souvenir and are not suitable for contraception or to prevent STDs.”