Who Ate All The Pies? Someone With A Rock-Hard Cock

“It’s a right cock-up. It’s going to be very hard to sort this one out.”
 — Tony Callaghan, organizer of the World Pie Eating Championships in Greater Manchester, England, discusses the theft of a batch of pies intended for the competition. The pies’ ingredients allegedly include Viagra — to keep the potatoes firm, claims their baker — leading Callaghan to advise residents to keep an eye out for “hardened criminals.” Yes, you can groan now.