Guys Never Stop Wanting Sex

Until now I have been consoling myself with the idea that if I am somehow unsuccessful in my efforts to drink and smoke myself into an early grave, I will at least live out my dotage free from the burdens of desire. But Science just told me to go get fucked.

Zoe Hyde of the University of Western Australia and colleagues surveyed more than 2,700 men aged 75 to 95 for their study, published in the Annals of Internal Medicine.

They asked a range of questions about health, relationships and sexual activity.

“The older men were, the less likely they were to be sexually active, but sex remained at least somewhat important to one fifth of men aged 90 to 95 years, refuting the stereotype of the asexual older person,” they wrote in their report.

“Of those who were sexually active, more than 40 percent were dissatisfied with the frequency of sexual activity, preferring sex more frequently.”

This is terrible news. I had such ambitious plans for the days when I would no longer be lead around by my cock. I was going to read Proust! And Henry James! It was going to be a life of the mind, where I made up for all the lost time of my youth. And now it turns out that I’m still gonna be chasing tail, even if said chase is conducted with the assistance of a walker. You can’t win. I should probably just smoke more.

Photo by Klearchos Kapoutsis, from Flickr.