Bears/Dolphins: Feel The Whateverness

There are only 10 or so more hours until Thursday Night Football kicks off, which means I had better get to writing that letter to my cable company, thanking them for not carrying the NFL Network. It’s not much of a cable company, to be honest: I get very few channels and a few too many public access channels (but not New York One), including one that only shows 30-year-old claymation learn-to-read programming dubbed into Spanish. I also get The Pentagon Channel and this one home-shopping channel that is just Kathy Ireland selling juicers for 20 hours per day, and then sleeping on air for the other four. I would probably watch Kathy Ireland sleep before opting to watch Bears quarterback Jay Cutler petulantly attempt to throw the ball through a pair of Miami safeties, but I don’t know that for sure, which makes it a relief that I won’t even have the option of watching tonight’s game between the confoundingly 6–3 Bears and the whateverly Whatever-Whatever Dolphins. I have fond memories of Dolphins third-stringer-turned-starter Tyler Thigpen from his days running the endearingly desperate Fuck It Let’s Just Run The Spread offense with the Kansas City Chiefs a few years ago, but both the coin and I are taking the Bears over the Dolphs (-1) in this one. The full Kicked Off column is coming tomorrow.