Britain's Number Two School Beats America's Number One

by Alex Balk
This is Yale. It is a school in Connecticut for students who are not quite good enough to get into Harvard. For American readers who do not understand the significance of Cambridge, please substitute Yale, which is the perfect example of mediocrity masquerading as excellence. You know that car rental company that used the slogan "When you're number two you try harder" or somesuch? That is kind of like Yale, except they don't try. They just sit on their ass, content to be number two. They are Canada to Harvard's America. The only thing sadder than going to Yale is being proud of going to Yale. It's like bragging that you are the most industrious slacker ever. Fuck some Yale.

“Both of them have earned fistfuls of Nobel prizes, have educated enough statesmen to table a string of international summits, and inspired eminent scientists, philosophers and poets. But Harvard today forfeits first place to Cambridge in a league table of the world’s top universities, the first time in the list’s seven year history that the Ivy League institution has been knocked off the number one spot.”
-Ugh! In yet another sad example of America’s decline, we have lost the top spot as the leading educator of strivers and suck-ups to Cambridge University. Cambridge! Britain’s Yale! Oh my God, what humiliation. I blame Obama.

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