Murdered Loner British Spy Either Totally Gay or Victim of Elaborate Gay Spy Plot

Almost everyone’s gay, including now Crispin Blunt, “the Tory MP and prisons minister,” who, at 50, is leaving his wife. (Yes he is Emily Blunt’s uncle, which would make anyone gay.) BUT. In other amazing English news today, one person who may not be gay is “murdered British spy Gareth Williams.” No, seriously, this whole thing makes The Valerie Plame Incident™ look sort of dull? Because: “Police sources believe one theory is the spy’s killer may have planted a trail of clues to make it seem as though he was murdered by a gay lover.” Those clues include what the Daily Mail adorably calls “the phone numbers of gay escort men,” found in his flat. There is, of course, less inflammatory text in the Telegraph. If you’d like your news more purple and yellow, try “Spy ‘could have died during sex game’” at the Scotsman. [N.B. For American readers, a “sports holdall” is a “gym bag,” and, no, we don’t really like to think about how someone got his dead body into one. Gah.]