'Eat Pray Love': "NOT ENOUGH RAIN SEX"

Local douchebag reviews Eat Pray Love: “This is a staple of any good Nicholas Sparks novel-turned-movie: star-crossed couple gives in to their primal urges and they have slippery grabby-thigh make-outs in a torrential downpour. Instead we get Javier Bardem sauntering over to Julia Roberts while she’s sipping a glass of wine, contentedly reading a book, cooing, ‘It’s time.’ That’s not hot — that’s a goddamn Cialis commercial. You’re telling me it doesn’t rain in Bali? They have a Wet Season for Christ’s sake.”