Chocolate Chip: It Blows That Black People Aren't Invisible Any More

by Charlie

Dear Black Diary,

I’m so glad I have you in my life so I can share my thoughts about black people and black things. Sometimes it’s hard to say how I really feel about the blacks because, well, I’m one of them, and since we all already look alike, it’s common knowledge that we all think alike, dress alike and act alike as well. But, thank God for you, black diary. You know my most inner-est of secrets! Today I want to talk about Greene, Rangel, Waters and Steele.

They provide a valuable lesson, black diary, and that lesson is this: when a black does something wrong or is accused of doing something wrong everyone notices (even if it’s nighttime and you think you can make an easy getaway).

I’ve always known that the key to black success is not about slipping through the cracks, it’s about slipping past the crackers. That’s why I was surprised to read about the charges against Alvin Greene, the candidate for Senate from South Carolina.

The whites hadn’t even noticed him up until now (in part because he never really campaigned before he won the nomination) and going unnoticed by the whites is a valuable skill for a black to possess! But then Greene had to start showing college girls pictures of titties in computer labs or something. Deep down, I’m convinced he was begging to be exposed.

And then there’s Charlie “up to my eyeballs in ethics violations” Rangel. I’m not sure how one inadvertently fails to report hundreds of thousands of dollars in assets and income or mistakenly grabs the congressional letterhead to solicit donations for a building with your name on it. What I do know is that Rangel picked a bad time to get caught. All the crazy whites are itching for reasons to blame us black devils for trying to drag the land of the free and the home of the brave down into our black devil tar baby hell. And now they have one more idiotic thing to gripe about.

You know what else is idiotic? Maxine Waters and her fugly glasses and wigs. Clearly she can’t think straight or see straight or do anything straight with all that business up top. Okay, wig bias aside, I really hope Waters’ name is cleared and that she is right to come out and pre-chide the ethics committee for being a bunch of racist dirtbags. I hold her in high esteem because she voted against the Iraq War Resolution in 2002. (We have to preserve human rights for all shades of darkness.)

And then there’s my favorite, Michael Steele. Why am I the only one who finds it offensive to see a public figure in black face nowadays? Not that I can’t enjoy a good minstrel show, it’s just that this disaster is so obviously not a real black. He’s not fooling anyone, black diary! A bad tie does not a brotha make! (Although he is going into debt, so….)

It’s all very disenchanting. Just because we have a black for president doesn’t mean we’re going to start magically blending in and getting away with all the crimes and violations the whites have mastered for ever ever ever (*echo*.) So, I guess what I’m wondering is, what’s a black girl to do?

I’m sorry to put so much pressure on you to answer that question when you’ve already helped me solve some of life’s greatest mysteries. Remember that time you explained to me that Weezie actually loved George as a person and not because he had less melanin in his skin? That was a powerful moment. I’m sure things will calm down soon and the blacks will go back to being invisible, until then, thanks, black diary, I know I can always count on you.

Love,
Charlie

Charlie is the pen name of a professional young lady in New York City.