America Is Country of Foreskin!

Apparently Science is saying that fewer than half of American boys are being circumcised now! This is good news, because, you guys, circumcision is really weird. It’s a super-weird thing to do! And the whole “circumcision as HIV prevention” thing is wacko. You know what prevents HIV? Not putting condom-free penises inside things. And… as always, this is bad news too.

Yes, this is sad news of a bygone era. Now, American guys who go traveling in Europe are going to become less sexually favored. No, seriously!

Once upon a time, dear young people-yes, go on! Gather around! Story time!-an American would go to Europe and be beset by lusty Parisians and Swedes who rarely got a chance to spy a circumcised penis.

And that is how sex tourism was born. No, wait, it wasn’t, that’s something else entirely.

But seriously. Now Americans will show up in London and, I dunno, Gdansk and there’ll be nary a frisson of sexual difference. It’ll just be one more guy with a penis that looks like pretty much every penis because penises, despite their remarkable diversity, really aren’t all that different once you’ve seen a few dozen of them. (And everyone in Europe has, thanks to the socialism.)

Though-to look on the brighter side again-I guess this means Jews will at long last be popular in Europe.