30 eHow Articles in Ascending Order of Usefulness

by Ned Frey

30. How to Laugh Like Whoopi Goldberg

29. How to Massage a Dog

28. How to Fart With Your Armpit

27. How to Wear a Toga

26. How to Dye Hair With Kool-aid

25. How to Draw a Cat’s Nose

24. How to Light Farts on Fire

23. How to Build a Catapult With Popsicle Sticks

22. How to Buy a Zamboni

21. How to Dance the Cotton-Eyed Joe

20. How to Make Yourself Cry

19. How to Remove a Tick on the Scrotum

18. How to Make Toast

17. How to Kill a Vampire

16. How to Blow Your Nose in Public

15. How to Defecate Outdoors When Camping

14. How to Make a Jet Engine

13. How to Carve a Totem Pole

12. How to Speak to the Dead

11. How to Train Your Cat to Use a Toilet

10. How to Laugh at Yourself So the World Laughs With You

9. How to Urinate Outside Discreetly

8. How to Appear Intelligent Even When You’re Not

7. How to Take a Nap at Work

6. How to Tell a Joke

5. How to Be Happy

4. How to Make Yourself Get Out of Bed in the Morning

3. How to Drink Bourbon

2. How to Love Someone

1. How to Breathe

Ned Frey (a k a MisterHippity) knows how to make a list.