Octopus Predicts World Cup Results With Startling Accuracy

Holy crap! This octopus in Germany has accurately predicted the LAST SIX MATCHES of the World Cup for which his powers of prophesy have been consulted. Scoff if you must, but consider the odds: This cephalopod conjecturer has only a fifty percent chance of being right each time, and yet SIX TIMES IN A ROW his prognosticating tentacles have in fact chosen the correct group of men who would kick more balls into a ropey hole than their opponents. It is positively astounding! How can people be discussing trivialities like the role of women in popular entertainment when such magic exists in the world? Yes, sure, I know some of you might be inclined to view this as a series of meaningless choices, the celebration of which shows our inability to comprehend the essentially random nature of the world without ascribing some deeper meaning to it, but come on, OCTOPUS WAS RIGHT SIX TIMES IN A ROW. Truly, he has been touched by the hand of God. All eight of them, apparently.