A Note On The Weather

I woke up early this morning and dressed in the dark, which resulted in my leaving the house in a pair of khakis and a green polo. Green-on-green is an absolutely ridiculous look, but those of you who know me know that I’m not particularly obsessed with the condition of my wardrobe. (Plus, when you’ve got a face like this, the packaging is completely irrelevant.) I only mention this to note that when I hit the streets for my most recent cigarette (which was delightful, by the way; those of you who have cut back on smoking during the summer months should really reconsider) I happened to notice that it was a bit unpleasant, temperature-wise. I mean, it is rather vexatious what with the heat. A RealFeel of 101? It’s extremely uncomfortable, I tells ya! My balls are all, “It’s as hot as us!” We’re talking about what Sarah Palin would no doubt refer to as “hotnessitude.” And it doesn’t look like it’s going to get much better for the rest of the week. So make sure you’re drinking a lot of fluids and staying indoors as much as possible. Because, no, I’m not granting any dispensations on shorts. You’ve had it too easy already this summer. It’s time to grow a pair, and then have that pair sweat profusely through your slacks, goddamn it. I am, however, declaring socks optional through Friday. You’re welcome.