Your Choices In 2012: Bush-Fiorina, Bush-Whitman or Bush-Haley

So let’s say this is how it goes down. Jeb Bush has the south locked up, right? Florida already is one of the big four states, with an expected 28 electoral votes after the census. Texas might have as many as 38, but obviously that’s a done deal for a Bush. John McCain’s not running, even if he’s still standing. Everyone hates Mitt Romney. Then there’s… uh… Eric Cantor? Oh, excuse me, how did the bottom of the barrel hit me in the nose so soon? And Mike Huckabee has already been vigorously throwing Jeb Bush’s name around on the air for ages now, so there’s 1. him out and doing TV and 2. his weird very Democratic yet super-McCain-voting state. (Okay, whatever, a mere 6 electoral votes.) Now, running mate! Since California and New York’s 85 or so are Democrat for good, that’s a big block you have to take down by getting, well, every single other state, right? And he needs a ton of cash. The cash burn on this puppy will be unprecedented-it’ll make Hillary Clinton’s campaign look like a bunch of fiscal spending conservatives. Seeing as there’s no way the actual real Republican party is going near that Sarah Palin chick, plus she has the highest negative name recognition since, um, anyone named “Bush,” plus she really doesn’t have a good money base, that’s not it. So what does a Republican ticket need to partner Bush with? A lady, because it’s fashionable now and to neutralize both Palin and Clinton, who will be out on the road campaigning. So basically you just decide who’s less wacky at the time: Carly Fiorina or Meg Whitman. As long as it’s someone who helps get him Indiana and Ohio, North Carolina and Virginia. We’re going with Meg Whitman. Oh God, wait! Nikki Haley! She’s got money, and Palin will campaign for her. Boom. Done. BUSH III. Believe it.