Why You Lust For Brown-Eyed Men

Everyone knows that apart from being hopelessly attractive, effortlessly charming and erudite, all while projecting a tiny jolt of danger and longing in those who come into contact with them, white men with brown eyes convey an immediate aura of dominance. And that is not just the theory of a hopelessly attractive, effortlessly charming and erudite white man with brown eyes who projects a tiny jolt of danger and longing in all those who come into contact with him (give me this one, okay?), that, my friends, is Science!

Czech researchers asked a group of 62 people to look at photos of 80 faces — 40 men and 40 women — and rate them for dominance. Then the investigators Photoshopped the faces so the brown eyes were replaced with blue ones and vice versa. A separate group of participants rated the altered images for dominance.

The results were the same in both cases: Faces of brown-eyed men were rated more dominant than those of blue-eyed men, even when their eyes weren’t brown.

Researchers have a bunch of hypotheses for why this should be the case (they always do), including the observation that “brown-eyed men had broader chins and mouths, larger noses, more closely spaced eyes and larger eyebrows than blue-eyed men,” which, you know, DOMINANCE. There is also speculation that since brown-eyed boys appear so much more manly and DOMINANT at an early age they are coddled less than their babyish blue-eyed counterparts, who grow to be considerably less DOMINATING than the dashing men with the umber orbs who make all the ladies swoon like generals testifying before Congress. Whatever the reason, I think we can all agree that white men with brown eyes and large noses and thick brows and broad jaws, well, you just want to let them DOMINATE you, don’t you? Completely unrelated: My e-mail address is on the home page.