Who Ate All The Pies? British Kids

Will the youth of Knifecrime Island soon be too rotund to take up the blade?

A shocking picture of the way children are gorging themselves on sweets, chocolates and snacks was revealed yesterday. They are getting fat almost twice as quickly as American youngsters as they eat double the amount of sugary and savoury treats…. More than one in three British children aged five to 13 are already overweight or obese. But that figure is predicted to soar at a rate of 2.1 per cent a year through to 2014, far higher than the 1.3 per cent annual rise expected for the U.S.

Fatter than American kids? How is that even possible? Oh, right, a diet full of junk food plus an increasingly sedentary lifestyle. Experts have repeatedly warned that the current crop of Malteser-masticating tubbies will be “the first generation to die before their parents as a consequence of obesity,” but perhaps there is hope: Cocaine consumption is way, way up in Britain, with Scotland’s particular love of sticking the stuff up noses helping the U.K. to become Europe’s leading market for the drug. So it’s probably okay if they pack on the extra pounds now. They’ll be losing a bunch of weight in a few years.