Not All Gays Are Drunk the Entire Summer Long

You may hear a rumor today that not all of the gays are drunk all summer. Most are! Sure, the vast majority are coked out of their minds! Certainly, don’t trust them with any sensitive work tasks on Mondays from now until Labor Day. (Especially the gay surgeons! Oh and the book editors, obviously, who are all smoking crack and hooking up with cab drivers and, oh right, screwing over their friends and semi-apologizing via memoir at a later date.) But some of the gays apparently don’t actually have an IV of alcohol hooked up to their shaved, gleaming forearms, even on the Island of Gay Sexy Time Pleasure. Here’s to biodiversity!