An Insanely Detailed Guide to the 2010 NBA Draft

An Insanely Detailed Guide to the 2010 NBA Draft

by Jordan Carr

The NBA Draft: it’s where dreams are made, franchises broken and Patrick O’Bryant mercilessly mocked. Where ESPN TV announcer Jay Bilas goes on and on about teenage boys’ length (and it is still okay to do that without any tinge of irony?), where suits range from the file cabinet to the Colonel Sanders to the vanilla sheriff to whatever this and this are. The draft kicked off with NBA honcho David Stern at the lectern at Madison Square Garden, home of the New York Liberty. He put the Wizards on the clock and then we are treated to a flashback to the Kwame Brown era. That’s a decidedly mean-spirited start. Let the fun begin with the picks.

1. Washington Wizards — John Wall, G, Kentucky
No surprise here, the moment everyone expected, right down to the crying, full-figured mom for whom he just used his shoe contract to buy a house.

2. Philadelphia 76ers — Evan Turner, G, Ohio State
This reminds me of a scene in Just Wright where grossly overpaid 76ers forward Elton Brand tried to convince supertrainer Lesley Wright to work for the 76ers because they have a good team. His pitch went: “We got me… Andre Iguodala.” The entire audience (and it was a packed house) laughed. Now they have Evan Turner too, so that’s nice and he looks sharp in the interview. Is there anyone who can’t be made to look thoughtful if you put glasses on them? A quick cut to Stu Scott answers that question.

3. New Jersey Nets — Derrick Favors, F, Georgia Tech
Jay Bilas calls him a junior version of Dwight Howard, with a wingspan of 7’4″. That seems like a bit much. According to the graphic, Favors must improve his assertiveness. Has that ever happened, besides in movies about a girl making it in the big city? Horrifyingly, some among the Nets faithful have vuvuzelas. These aren’t coming to America, are they? Listen, South Africa, I know it’s nice to have the shoe on the other foot when it comes to cultural imperialism, but at what cost?

4. Minnesota Timberwolves — Wesley Johnson, F, Syracuse

Another unsurprising pick, Wesley Johnson and his pajama pants. This is a tough break for someone from Corsicana, Texas to have to go from Syracuse to Minneapolis. Next stop… Odessa?

5. Sacramento Kings — DeMarcus Cousins, C, Kentucky

There goes the last big talent in this draft. And what a wingspan! He looks incredible in his highlight package. Why does everyone assume he is such a crazy person? Because he was a little overweight and yelled at his coach occasionally? Because he got a few technical fouls in college? Because he’s sullen at combines and during interviews with teams? Those things are underrated in how dehumanizing they are, just because the participants are sometimes compensated with millions of dollars.

In the meantime, John Calipari referred to Cousins’ mom as “Miss Monica.” Approve! Not so sure about the claim that this is the biggest day in the history of the University of Kentucky. Does John Calipari even care about winning or just getting a ton of his players into the NBA?

Let’s go to the Golden State Warriors, who prepared for this pick by trading away a player nicknamed Bad Porn (“there’s lots of penetration and scoring, but are you really enjoying what you’re seeing?”) who was maybe their best player for expiring contracts as part of a series of moves preparing for their eventual, merciful sale, hopefully to Larry Ellison.

6. Golden State Warriors — Ekpe Udoh, F, Baylor
Oy. Ekpe Udoh was Second-Team All-Big 12. Shouldn’t you get someone who is one of the best five players in his conference with the number six pick? Aren’t there dudes on his team named LaceDarius and Tweety who were better than him? Isn’t he 23 years old?

On the other hand, Jay Bilas likes that he’s improved over his career and really helped them beat the vaunted Sam Houston State Bearkats (really).

For what it’s worth, there have been six guys with African names taken in the lottery in the past decade. They are: Hasheem Thabeet, Saer Sene, Ike Diogu, Emeka Okafor, Luol Deng and DeSagana Diop. We have four certified busts, a disappointment (Okafor), and Luol Deng who has been a good player, but whose team is dying to give him away. This statistic, by the way, means nothing.

On the plus side for the Warriors, the new logo is cool.

7. Detroit Pistons — Greg Monroe, F, Georgetown
Stu Scott: “Interestingly, his uncle played football at BYU.” Is that interesting? I’m not sure-maybe it is. I think it’s more interesting that we’re up to our third fat mom in the first seven picks.

8. Los Angeles Clippers — Al-Farouq Aminu, F, Wake Forest

Doesn’t this guy look like a professional athlete (and is Aminu Acid an early frontrunner for his nickname)? So far just about everyone has compared his look to Steve Urkel’s, so I’ll just add that he also sounds like Urkel, only with a bad cold. It’s really indescribable. Also, his smile melted into a look of horror when the Mark Jones mentioned the Clippers’ lack of positive karma.

9. Utah Jazz — Gordon Hayward, F, Butler

And there it is. Jay Bilas is unimpressed with Hayward, saying he will struggle defensively, is not really good at shooting, nor is he especially athletic, or strong, going on to compare him to old Oregon bust Luke Jackson. Ouch. Then we are treated to circumstantial evidence of HGH usage, by way of a graphic where we learn he was 5’4″ in 8th Grade and 6’8″ as a senior in high school. Do regular humans grow like that? Science says: sometimes!

10. Indiana Pacers — Paul George, F, Fresno State
The Pacers take some dude with two first names from basketball powerhouse Fresno State. He holds the school record for free throw percentage, so there. And again, an All-WAC Second Team performer. Isn’t this a bad idea, to take a dude who was not one of the five best players in a second-tier conference? We’re told he has good upside potential though.

11. New Orleans Hornets — Cole Aldrich, C, University of Kansas

I’ve made my feelings on him felt here, and the Eric Montross comparison was probably too harsh, but I remain unimpressed. For some reason, ESPN chatter Fran Fraschilla gets to do the breakdown, despite Aldrich being the exact opposite in just about every way of the foreign guys he normally covers.

Aldrich and Morris Peterson are being traded to Oklahoma City for the 18th and 23rd pick. Aldrich certainly can get after Nenad Krstic’s minutes, and the Hornets dump some more salary. Is there any chance that Chris Paul does not demand a trade within a year?

12. Memphis Grizzlies — Xavier Henry, G, Kansas
We go back-to-back Kansas players, and this one I like (I mean, it’s pronounced “Zah-vee-ay”). This pick certainly seems like an admission that Rudy Gay is gone. Should I be concerned that I’m agreeing with Michael Heisley?

Xavier is shedding tears, probably of joy at a lifetime’s worth of hard work paying off in such a concrete way, although it is reminiscent of Steve Francis’s crying fit upon being selected by the then-Vancouver Grizzlies.

13. Toronto Raptors — Ed Davis, F, North Carolina
Well, at least they’ve made their peace with Chris Bosh’s departure. We’re getting some good footage of his dad Terry playing in the NBA in the early ‘90s rocking a high-top fade, because we’re apparently to the point where the children of the high-top faded are professional athletes.

14. Houston Rockets — Patrick Patterson, F, Kentucky

Another Kentucky guy, which makes it three in the first round. They last did that in 1996, with three of Malcolm Gladwell’s underdogs: Antoine Walker, Tony Delk and Walter McCarty. In news entirely unrelated to 1996, Tom Cruise (who is at his Jerry Maguire best!) and Cameron Diaz are starring in an action-comedy summer blockbuster, which for some reason has elected to run 1500 ads during the draft.

15. Milwaukee Bucks — Larry Sanders, F, Virginia Commenwealth

Hey now! The Larry Sanders Show comes to the NBA. Perhaps counterintuitively, the rep on him is very coachable and very easy to get along with. Good pick by Rip Torn.

16. Portland — Luke Babbitt, F, Nevada
This was Minnesota’s pick, which was sent to Portland along with Ryan Gomes for Martell Webster. This probably makes sense for both teams.

17. Chicago Bulls — Kevin Seraphin, F, France
Now Chicago’s gone all in on the hunt for LeBron by trading away their pick and Kirk Hinrich to the Wiz, so they’re presumably selecting for them. Seraphin is from French Guyana, not actual France, and continues the trend of France only producing black NBA players.

Meanwhile, Kevin Durant is pretending Cole Aldrich is going to be a game changer.

18. Oklahoma City Thunder — Eric Bledsoe, G, Kentucky
The Thund trade Eric Bledsoe for a future number one from the Clippers. That’s going to look real good if/when the Clippers continue to be terrible. Bledsoe’s impact will certainly depend on whether or not Baron Davis bothers to get in shape this offseason.

19. Boston Celtics — Avery Bradley, G, Texas
Or is it Bradley Avery? No, it’s Avery Bradley. Bradley shot just over 50% from the line in college. The plan there is to load up on point guards who can’t shoot free throws. I’m intrigued.

20. San Antonio Spurs — James Anderson, G, Oklahoma State
Jon Barry is really raining on all parades, suggesting that it is time to blow up the Spurs and start over. He’s probably right. This guy actually played well in college, which one might guess is a predictor of future success. The Spurs never do anything stupid.

21. Oklahoma City (but really, New Orleans) — Craig Brackins, F, Iowa State
He can really score from all over, but maybe he was soft. Also, he loves skateboarding. How does Iowa State ever recruit anyone? It’s in freaking Ames, Iowa. Their recent record with producing NBA talent is pretty spotty, with Jamaal Tinsley, Puerto Rico-leaguer Marcus Fizer, as their most noteworthy post-Hornacek alums.

Next pick to Portland, whose fired GM, the well-reputed Kevin Pritchard will be making their selections.

22. Portland Trail Blazers — Elliot Williams, G, Memphis
Pritchard really should have intentionally botched this pick. A wasted opportunity for him.

23. Minnesota Timberwolves — Trevor Booker, F, Clemson

We have our first senior. He looks to be in his late thirties-maybe it’s just relative to everyone else.

Minnesota sent Trevor Booker and the 56th pick to Washington in exchange for the 30th and 35th pick. You rarely see the draft pick sandwich trade.

24. Atlanta Hawks — Damion James, F, Texas
Well, that doesn’t exactly tip their hand as to whether or not they expect Joe Johnson to be back (I don’t) but that they didn’t go with Dominique Jones or Jordan Crawford says they are banking on his return, for now.

25. Memphis Grizzlies (sold to Dallas Mavericks) — Dominique Jones, G, South Florida
Jones talks with his plumber dad five times per day. Can you imagine? What about?

26. Oklahoma City Thunder — Quincy Pondexter, F, Washington
In classic sports fashion, he’s a tough guy who’s performed as a dancer in a production of The Nutcracker — the NBA’s Patrick Swayze. There will be a training montage of him showing the rest of the team how to do ballet next season, right?

27. New Jersey Nets — Jordan Crawford, G, Xavier
They’re trading him for 24th pick Damion James and the 31st pick. Ok, so there’s the “we don’t expect to see Joe Johnson come back” giveaway. Crawford’s a scorer, but he’s still most famous for that time he dunked on LeBron.

28. Memphis Grizzlies — Greivis Vasquez, G, Maryland
Greivis gave a pretty epic fist pump and got mobbed by his posse when he got picked-a nice moment, and he should be excited about getting that guaranteed first-round money. He is only second guy to show emotion thus far.

29. Orlando Magic — Daniel Orton, C, Kentucky
And Kentucky gets their fifth first-rounder picked. What was the point of this pick? Orton averaged 3 points and rebounds per game. What is the worst college line of a productive NBA player? Does it approach that? On the plus side we get to watch lots of footage of him failing to say “Hi I’m Daniel Orton, you’re watching the 2010 NBA Draft on ESPN.”

30. Washington Wizards — Lazar Hayward, F, Marquette
How Lazar? That ends the first round.

ROUND 2

31. New Jersey (but really Atlanta, who is selling it to Oklahoma City) — Tibor Pleiss, C, Germany
Deputy Commissioner Adam Silver comes out to raucous cheers and chants of his name. Tibor’s highlights were all culled from a very green gymnasium smaller than any high school gym. Not exactly big time competition, I’m guessing.

32. Miami Heat — Dexter Pittman, C, Texas

I like this one. He’s a real big guy who is incredible at taking up space and can dominate for up to two minutes at a time. What’s more fun than that? And hey, he’s lost 100 pounds since high school to drop to about 300 now. If it’s not clear by now, I have a soft spot for our big friends.

33. Sacramento Kings — Hassan Whiteside, C, Marshall
Bilas: “He could be Patrick O’Bryant, [or] he could be an excellent pro.” Is Patrick O’Bryant really the worst possible outcome of a draft pick?

34. Portland Trail Blazers — Armon Johnson, G, Nevada
Doesn’t it seem unlikely that Nevada had two top-35 pick caliber talents, considering they were not that good? (Same question asked about Texas gets a Rick Barnes waiver).

35. Washington Wizards (but really Minnesota) — Nemanja Bjelica, F, Serbia.
Fran Fraschilla makes the requisite Toni Kukoc comparison-every draft has a Euro compared to him at some point. Fran makes the point that Serbians aren’t spoiled because it’s “a low income country.”

Also, Bjelica broke his leg and while rehabbing met the lady he would later marry. Not to go to this again, but THAT WAS THE EXACT PLOT OFÂ JUST WRIGHT.

36. Detroit Pistons — Terrico “Suave” White, G, Mississippi
He is the youngest of eight children. He also kinda looks like a turtle.

37. Milwaukee Bucks — Darrington Hobson, F, New Mexico
We have a winner for the Wesley Snipes Award for whitest name for a black guy, especially if you go with a silent “H” in Hobson.

38. New York Knicks — Andy Rautins, G, Syracuse
He’s not LeBron, but if he’s Jason Kapono, it’s a good pick at this point. The crowd liked it.

39. New York Knicks — Landry Fields, F, Stanford
I don’t know what to tell you guys about this pick. He sure scored a lot last year, but I don’t see him scoring all that much in the NBA.

40. Indiana Pacers — Lance Stephenson, G, Cincinnati
New York state’s high school basketball’s all-time leading scorer is off the board. Surely he’s better than Sebastian Telfair, right?

41. Miami Heat — Jarvis Varnado, F, Mississippi State
He blocks shots and does nothing else, besides have a cool last name.

42. Miami Heat — Da’Sean Butler, F, West Virginia

He blew out his knee in the NCAA Tournament, costing himself millions of dollars. Kids, the second you have a chance to get that NBA money, just get it. You can always go back to college, but you’re only young and a good athlete once.

Also, I really like the addition of a salary cap guru to the NBA Draft coverage. It makes sense of such trades as the one where Miami sent Daequan Cook and the number 18 pick to Oklahoma City for the 32nd pick. The purpose: to unload Cook’s contract to put them in contention for free agents and not have to pay first-round pick money.

43. Los Angeles Lakers — Devin Ebanks, F, West Virginia
Probably a good pick as he was a projected lottery pick at one point. You can’t really go wrong with these picks.

44. Milwaukee Bucks — Jerome Jordan, C, Tulsa
If your team is one of the many taking a center in the second round, you may be wondering: will we find a diamond in the rough at the five in the second round? My unofficial look through prior ten drafts turns up DeAndre Jordan, Marc Gasol, Marcin Gortat, Dan Gadzuric and Mehmet Okur, if he counts, as solid NBA centers. By those odds there’s roughly a 50% chance one of these many centers taken in the second round will turn out to be a serviceable NBA player. Not great odds.

45. Minnesota Timberwolves — Paulao Prestes, C, Brazil
Paulao is the most Portuguese name evar. He looks like a pretty nimble oaf, and I mean that in a good way.

46. Phoenix Suns — Gani Lawal, F, Georgia Tech
Two years in a row with a palindrome for a last name in the second round. Last year it was Sergio Llull.

47. Milwaukee Bucks — Keith “Tiny” Gallon, F, Oklahoma

ESPN ran a mock draft where they had players from each team do their team’s pick. They had Brandon Jennings pick for Milwaukee and he took Keith “Tiny” Gallon, who nobody ever thought would go much higher than this — he was probably just stumping for his high school teammate. In any case, I’m not sure whether or not Bucks fans should be happy or alarmed by a “less in shape, maybe more skilled Glen Davis” comparison. In the second round, that seems like a good gamble.

48. Miami Heat — Latavious Williams, F, Tulsa 66ers (NBDL)
So, Latavious (anagram: “u so Latvia”) didn’t go to college, and instead played in the D-League. Which reminds me, is there a more spiteful gift for a (the?) Memphis Grizzlies fan than a Hasheem Thabeet Dakota Wizards jersey? I say not.

49. San Antonio Spurs — Ryan Richards, F, England
He played for something called BBC Monthey. And his potential downside warrants another shot at Patrick O’Bryant. This is getting mean-spirited. He’s still technically is an NBA player.

50. Dallas Mavericks — Solomon Alabi, C, Florida State
According to ESPN’s Chad Ford, he is smart enough to be a physicist. Between him and Myron Rolle, my ability to prejudge Florida State athletes is going out the window. At least we still have Arizona State.

Alabi is sent to Toronto for a future second round pick and financial considerations, which replaced cash considerations at some point within the past few years.

51. Oklahoma City Thunder — Magnum Rolle, C, Lousiana Tech
With a name like that, he’ll be ready to do porn and/or fight crime on day one. Also, Dallas clearly reneged on their pledge to take the best name on the board, which clearly was Magnum Rolle.

52. Boston Celtics — Luke Harangody, F, Notre Dame
I’ve heard he’s been working with Sean Marks and Brian Scalabrine on his back-slapping and clapping form. And yet I don’t see him ever getting to their level.

53. Atlanta Hawks — Pape Sy, F, Senegal
I’ve got a job on for a Senegalese? Maybe not. Fran Fraschilla does not think he is going to make it into the NBA, unless I’m reading into his analysis of the pick, which consisted of him saying, “Good for Pape Sy.”

54. Los Angeles Clippers — Willie Warren, G, Oklahoma
Again, if you can get someone who was once considered a lottery talent this late, it’s probably not a bad pick.

55. Utah Jazz — Jeremy Evans, F, Western Kentucky
Our first Hilltopper picked… He probably won’t become the first black Utah draftee to make it through a full season with the team since Morris Almond in 2007.

56. Minnesota Timberwolves — Hamani Ndiaye, C, Rutgers
Half the second round is shotblockers who can’t score.

57. Indiana Pacers — Ryan Reid, F, Florida State
Ok, maybe it’s not always a good idea to turn pro as a freshman. Jay Bilas clearly thinks he has no future in the NBA, saying little more than, “Good for him.”

58. Los Angeles Lakers — Derrick Caracter, F, UTEP
Interestingly, had character issues during his time at Louisville, as chronicled in that one New York Times piece about his turnaround. The lesson Caracter took away from the whole experience: “Some guys aren’t built for college.”

59. Orlando Magic — Stanley Robinson, F, Connecticut
Meh. Take me home, Silver.

60. Phoenix Suns — Dwayne Collins, F, Miami
Ooh, he he has a chance to become the second-most famous athlete from the University of Miami to be named Dwayne.

SOME CLOSING THOUGHTS

On the whole, this was a fairly predictable draft, and it seems unlikely any bad teams made themselves relevant or that any good teams upgraded, with a possible exception for the Thunder.

In any case, all the events of the day were overshadowed by machinations of the Heat, Bulls, Knicks and Nets, all of whom are trying to unload as many contracts as possible to secure LeBron, Dwyane Wade, Amaré Stoudemire, and everyone else on July 1 when free agency opens up. Until then, odds are your team is more or less as good as it was before tonight.

Jordan Carr is one of The Awl’s summer reporters. He will not be allowed to cover basketball in the future. (Kidding!)