We Will Slice Up The Clouds With Our Giant Rayguns For The Sweet Water Within

Rain! It always happens when you don’t want it to, but it’s never around when you need it! Damn you, rain, would it kill you to help an arid region out every now and again? Oh, it would, would it? We’ll just see about that! Intransigent precipitation, let me introduce you to my good friend MR. LASER BEAM. Oh, yes, I do believe you are ready to change your tune! Let’s look at the Science!

Working first in the lab, [University of Geneva optical physicist Jérôme Kasparian and colleagues] fired a high-powered laser through an chamber containing water-saturated air, and found that the laser pulses increased the total volume of condensed water droplets in the chamber by 50 percent. How does it work? Kasparian explains that the laser beam ionizes nitrogen and oxygen molecules in the air around the beam; those ionized molecules then serve as the condensation nuclei that allow raindrops to grow.

The researchers also tested their laser on real clouds in the great outdoors. The lasers seemed to have no effect when humidity was low, but on more humid days the clouds targeted with lasers did show an increase in the density and size of water droplets. Kasparian hopes to increase the effectiveness of the technique by sweeping the laser beam across clouds to cause more widespread droplet formation.

Experts suggest that these effects are unlikely to be produced in the real world, but fuck those guys: We are going to shoot lasers at the skies until they MAKE IT RAIN. Because we can. And we’ve pretty much ruined this planet anyway, so we may as well have fun with whatever’s left. Listen up, rain, there’s a new sheriff in town. He’s the guy who fuckbombed the moon. So don’t think he’s going to get sentimental about a few clouds. We will ZAP YOU GOOD. [Image via]