New Bar Hat Follows Long British Tradition Of Bizarre Headgear

As Knifecrime Island rubs its eyes and gazes in wonder at its new politics, it also begins to return to the more prosaic elements of life, which is mostly spent down the pub, a horrid experience where the soul-numbing qualities of alcohol are often ruined by the shrieking harridans who fill those spaces (and the copious presence of vomit). Fortunately, the nation’s youngest scientists are hard at working thinking of ways to make that terrible existence more tolerable. Behold: the giant fishbowl head enclosure!

A new invention by a product design student in Scotland looks to cut out the background noise in public spaces, but there’s one catch: you have to wear a massive plastic bubble as a helmet. The social sphere has been created by Elaine McLuskey and was conceived when she was studying hearing impairments. Her solution was to create a double-headed helmet, where two people could wear and interact, without the fear that background chatter would get in the way.

While McLuskey hopes her invention “starts people talking about hearing impairments,” (students!) this invention obviously meets some of Britain’s greatest needs. Not only does it drown out the auditory pollution of nearby blue-shirted scumbags shouting “ziga zaga,” but it also, as the folks at TechRadar note, helps to prevent glassings. Knifings not so much, but baby steps, people. Baby steps.