The Fire This Time

Depending on where you are in town right now, you can probably hear the wind circling about the sky like a malevolent, grieving sorceress desperate to regain possession of her dead sibling’s shoes. (Or something, whatever, it is just windy as FUCK out there.) Still, if the possibility that you might be borne aloft and smashed into the side of a building weren’t terrifying enough, you should also know that we will soon be under FIRE WEATHER WATCH. Take it away, AccuWeather!

A FIRE WEATHER WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM THURSDAY AFTERNOON THROUGH THURSDAY EVENING.

GUSTY NORTHWEST WINDS OF UP TO 35 TO 40 MPH AND RELATIVE HUMDITIES FROM 20 TO 30 PERCENT ARE LIKELY ON THURSDAY…AND AS A RESULT A FIRE WEATHER WATCH HAS BEEN ISSUED.

PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS…

A FIRE WEATHER WATCH MEANS THAT CRITICAL FIRE WEATHER CONDITIONS ARE FORECAST TO OCCUR. LISTEN FOR LATER FORECASTS AND POSSIBLE RED FLAG WARNINGS.

What does it all mean? There will almost certainly be fire: a cleansing, purifying fire that will put paid to all your remaining hopes and dreams and is God’s final judgment on the plethora of sins, both small and large, that you commit every day as you make your way through this city, from something as simple as letting the elevator door close even though you see someone approaching to something as irredeemably evil as working for Goldman Sachs. God has had enough. Let the burning begin. There will be no mercy, only justice. And wind. Always, always wind.