Tao of Dow: When TERRIFYING Giant-Fanged Leeches Attack

by Simon Dumenco

The Awl’s Lunch-time Market Report:

• The Dow Jones Industrial Average fell this morning as investors expressed fears over a “TERRIFYING new type of leech [that] has been named after a savage dinosaur because of its giant TEETH.” (Caps courtesy of that standard-bearer of the stiff upper lip, Britain’s The Sun.) “T-Rex” was found in the nostril of a nine-year-old girl in Peru, which means YOUR CHILD MIGHT NOT BE SAFE!
• The Nasdaq was flat this morning as tech investors expressed disappointment that the new Mormon extravaganza from South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone will be a Broadway musical, which likely means it will be incompatible with Apple’s revolutionary and magical touch-screen mobile device, the iPad.