Tao of Dow: Just Be Yourself and Try Your Best, Man-Sized Lizard With Two Penises

by Simon Dumenco

The Awl’s Morning Market Report:

• The Dow Jones Industrial Average is up this morning as investors greeted news that Lin Yu Chun, Taiwan’s answer to Whitney Houston, also, according to the Associated Press, does Celine Dion and Mariah Carey songs. “I now have more confidence in pursuing a singing career,” the 14-year-old-looking 24-year-old told the AP. “You don’t have to be a good-looking man or woman to succeed. Just be yourself and try your best.” Curiously, Lin had no comment about the man-sized lizard with two penises.
• The Nasdaq is flat this morning as tech investors digested news that, at 5 by 6 feet, this breathtaking painting of Alan Greenspan can’t be displayed full-size on Apple’s new iPad tablet device.